Children of the world you better hear this song
So I’ll teach you how to have great dental hygiene
All you gotta do is to squirt some shiny toothpaste
And sprinkle tuba brass on your brush

Gingivitis, root canals and so much more
Can cause a great deal of harm
Tooth decay, gum disease, oh my God!
You better take good care of your teeth

When you’re old and you lose a tooth
There won’t be a tooth fairy to grow one back
Don’t put your mouth on a tuba mouthpiece
Until you flossed your teeth

Gingivitis, root canals and so much more
Can cause a great deal of harm
Tooth decay, gum disease, oh my God!
You better take good care of your teeth

When you use your tuba toothpaste
Your teeth will look so golden and cool
All the kids at school will be jealous at you
For developing metal poisoning



It all started when Emily squeezed the Tuba Toothpaste onto her toothbrush. Her mom was sitting on the couch, Emily rinsed her mouth, and she started crying when she heard her. She felt so sorry for the souls who had to play that music for so long, because they were so lonely. Emily went off to her room, and started crying again. When she went back to the world, she decided to listen to her own tears and spread Tuba toothpaste all over her body. That was her first real experience of the holy brass pilgrimage.



Emily's parents tried to stop her from using the toothpaste, but she would not listen. They thought it was a phase she would grow out of. But as she got older, she kept listening to the music of the soul-less instruments, and then she became obsessed with them. It was like an addiction. Eventually, she was so desperate that she wrote a message to God. In the letter, she asked him if he could make her a brass instrument. She wanted to be able to hear the music herself, instead of just hearing it through the walls. And one day, God answered her prayer. He made her a Tuba. It was so beautiful. She played it every single day, and she never stopped. The only problem was that her parents were very upset about this new obsession. They told her that she needed to stop playing the Tuba, or else they would take it away from her. But Emily wouldn't listen. She was determined to keep playing it until she died.



One night, while Emily was practicing her Tuba in her bedroom, she suddenly heard a voice inside her head. It said: "You can stop playing your Tuba now." Emily was shocked. She knew that the voice came from God, but she didn't understand why he would say something like that. She had been playing the Tuba for years, and she couldn't imagine life without it. So she went downstairs, and she asked her parents what the voice meant. They explained to her that God had given her the gift of silence. And that means that Emily no longer has to play her Tuba anymore. She is free to live her life however she wants. Emily was devastated by this news. She cried for hours.



The next morning, when Emily woke up, she realized that the voice in her head was wrong. She was determined to play her Tuba again. She put on her clothes, packed her backpack with supplies, and left her home in order to truly experience the holy brass pilgrimage. She had decided to go to the Brass Mountain, where the souls of the brass instruments were. She walked through the forest for days, until she finally reached Brass Mountain. When she arrived there, she saw a giant statue of the Virgin Mary. She climbed up the stairs, and she found the entrance to the brass cave. Inside, she saw a crowd of souls. Some of them were playing the trumpet, some of them were playing the tuba, and others were playing the trombone. All of them were very happy to see her. They welcomed her to the sacred place, and they started playing the most beautiful music ever. Emily couldn't believe how good it sounded. She had never heard anything like it before. They offered her a tube of Tuba toothpaste. Emily had been sober from Tuba Toothpaste for years at this point. She wasn't sure if she wanted to try it again. But the other souls insisted that she should consume it. So she did.



Hello everybody I am Jerry Seinfeld from Jerry Seinfeld.
What’s the deal with S.I.S.T? Are they sisters or something?
What’s the deal with Nick Bsales? That guy is a psychopath, he sang lead vocals on the infamous illegal song Tuba Toothpaste.
What’s the deal with Jacob Grossman? Is he dirty or something, why isn’t he named Jacob Cleanman?
What’s the Deal with Charles Ramsden? Does he ram into things?
That’s it for me tonight, I fucking hate you all.

My fellow Americans, it is I, your 44th president Barack Obama.
I’m here at this event to announce something very special.
The multi-Grammy winning pop-punk band S.I.S.T. has released their second album to critical and commercial acclaim.
I’ve known the band personally for years and as a huge fan, I can safely say it is a certified motherfucking hood classic.
When I first heard the album, I immediately ejaculated and shit my pants from how beautiful it sounds.
Without further ado, S.I.S.T. will take the stage right now and perform the album in its entirety live.

No
Don't worry about me, I'll be fine



Emily smiled, and she played her Tuba. She played it so beautifully. The other souls applauded, and they all started dancing around her. Emily had never felt more alive. She played the Tuba for many hours, until she was completely exhausted. She felt an impending sense of doom beside her. She looked up, and she saw the face of God. He was looking down at her, smiling. She fell to her knees, and she bowed her head. Then she whispered: "Why must you make me suffer?"

God replied: "I don't make you suffer. I give you the choice to choose your own path. You have always been able to choose. But you didn't want to listen to the voices inside your head. Now you're here, and you're finally ready to hear them."

Emily shook her head. "No, no, this isn't fair!"

God smiled. " We are all sinners. And we will all pay for our sins."

Emily visited the void that day. She had been there before, but never like this. Her mind was still a mess of confusion and she didn't know what to make of it all. The void had always been quiet when she'd gone through it before, even if it was an endless black nothingness. She realized her consciousness was gone. There were no thoughts, just emptiness. She knew she was dead, because she could see herself in the reflection of the Tuba Toothpaste.



The police knocked down my door and put me in cuffs
Told me I’ve been arrested for child abuse
I see nothing wrong with giving kids Tuba Toothpaste
I may have killed at-least a hundred but it’s no big deal